Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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