I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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