Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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