there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
