WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
