If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
