Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize