Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
