Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Boobs are out for the taking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
