You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
