I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
