We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
