Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize