I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
