If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
