a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
