so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
