we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
