this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
