Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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