Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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