I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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