just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
