____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
