Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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