respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Semen is not good for contacts.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
