My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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