on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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