im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
