the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
