Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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