The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
