Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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