You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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