Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
