Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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