ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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