I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
