I'm going to jail i love you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize