They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
