Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
