can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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