well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
