I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
