my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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