Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
