then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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