I CAN MOONWALK!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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