dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
