ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
