Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
