Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
