grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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