even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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