I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
