this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
