You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
