I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
