On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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