I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
