It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Alive.
So much puke
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
