At least make sure they are 18
Why
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
