What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize