The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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