Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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