Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
