Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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