Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
