Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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