my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
