I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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