I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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